Assuming we have no ulterior motive, such as buttering up or
trying to manipulate someone, a compliment can a lift a person’s spirits.
However, it can also have a negative effect.
At the risk of making you (and me!) afraid to ever say anything nice to anyone again, I’ve been pondering the subject and remembering what helped me and what did not. I hope you’ll share your thoughts in the Comments section below. Meanwhile, here’s what came to me.
A compliment
can encourage.
The pastor-leader of a discussion group once asked us to tell each
other something we might not be aware of otherwise. One woman looked at me and
said, “You have a lovely smile.” Since my sweet-spirited dad did, it pleased me
to know I might have received that from him, and so the compliment encouraged
me to smile more.
When a compliment is obviously meant to be supportive, we can take
that word to heart, thanking the person – and thanking God for lifting our
spirits and/or guiding us in a particular direction.
A compliment
can discourage.
The person giving a compliment might be appalled to know this, but
a negative result can come in self-consciousness! This often happens when we
compliment a person’s looks, rather than a well-chosen outfit or skin-flattering
choice of colors.
Unfortunately, I did this recently when I told a friend she looked
elegant. She did, but I wish I’d been more specific and told her how a particular,
upswept hairstyle makes her look elegant. Then it would be her choice or
decision as to whether she felt up to elegance that day!
Similarly, poets, writers, and other artistic people might wonder, “Will I ever create anything as good?” or “Will people like my next work as well?” Book reviews, positive Comments on a blog, or a simple “Like” for a post can provide the timely encouragement that person needed.
A compliment
can provide an opening to praise!
Whether a compliment focuses on what we did, how we look, or what gifts and
abilities we have, we can thank the person for the acknowledgement and give
credit to God. For example: if someone says, “Your (poem, painting, sermon ___
fill in the blank) meant a lot to me,” we can accept that good word yet get the
focus off of our self-conscious selves by praising the Lord and thanking the
person for letting us know.
Hmm. I just realized that one of my favorite prayers since
childhood can be applied to this discussion, which I hope you will join in the
Comments below!
“Let the words of my mouth
and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my Rock
and my Redeemer,” Psalm 19:14.
What we say (words of the mouth) and how we receive what someone
else says (meditations of my heart) can find anchor in the Rock and, when needed, be redeemed by
our Father God Who rescues us, even from ourselves.
©2021, Mary Harwell Sayler
