Why I murdered Jesus

[Spoiler Alert! We know we've all sinned, but this prose poem makes it personal.]

Even in the Garden of Eden, God wanted everything perfect. How could I fit in? I thought of fruit as food, not fare for knowing good and evil or other things over my head! Why entice me with beautiful berries wrapped in seamless silken skin – fragrance summoning me – and no seeds to navigate around, no hard core in the middle?

I admit I disobeyed. I ignored Your clear instructions, Lord. And then You murdered me!

You sent my now-limited life from the Garden in shame – spiritually dead, nothing the same, everything changed forever.

How hard I toil for fruit that spoils in a life filled with imperfection! I feel worthless. I question myself at every turn, fearing Your rejection.

Where do I go? How do I live with myself? How do I live without You?

Trying to be good and obey every dot and iota of the law didn’t do it! Neither did self-hatred nor mutilating remorse. I wanted to make things right, Lord, but I couldn’t, and You wouldn’t let me!

You sent Yourself –

Your Son –

The Perfect One –

Who perfectly suited

Your plan of redemption,

the Fruit of Yourself –

Your Pure Love – given

to exempt me from my own sin.

I’m sorry, Lord! I’m sorry, but

I could not stand

to look on such Whole and Holy Love

and live

as I’d been living.

What could I do but kill Him?

by Mary Harwell Sayler, ©2017

[EPILOGUE/PRAYER: Lord, help us to confess anything that keeps us from You. Help us to truly accept Your forgiveness. Praise You, Lord, for overcoming death, forgiving all who turn to You, and bringing us new life and a fresh start each day in Jesus' Name.]

…